I need to decide whether to give up on my marriage or work to save my marriage. I am faced with this decision because my wife cheated on me. I do still care for her and I think she still has feelings for me. This is a difficult decision.

When a married person discovers his or her partner is involved in an illicit relationship, it seems like the end of the world. It triggers of sense of betrayal, abandonment, and loss of trust. The guilty partner can also experience a sense of devastation at the possibility that this reckless behavior may have forever alienated a still beloved spouse.

Marriage counselors can also sometimes help marital partners find answers inside themselves. While one should not look to excuse a partner’s illicit affair or take the blame for that affair on oneself, it may also be true that both partners had a hand in sabotaging the relationship. It can sometimes be important to look at the relationship before the unfaithful behavior to discover how it ended up where it did.

”I believe our marriage can survive this. I’ve decided that in order to save my marriage, I’m just going to suck it up and drive on.” “She’s a good woman. I will deal with the boredom because I just want to save my marriage.” Merely repressing your feelings about your spouse’s affair, being content with the cards you’ve been dealt, is not necessarily saving your marriage. Empty promises of fidelity, faking satisfaction is also probably not the most effective way to deal with what has occurred.

A common erroneous assumption is that love and satisfaction of basic needs are sufficient to maintain a marriage. Maintaining any marriage, even one that appears to be happy, requires serious work. Non-verbal and face-to-face communication are important determinants of success in a marriage. A therapist with a specialty in marriage counseling is a good resource to consider if a couple finds that maintaining open and healthy communication is too difficult.

If one partner is resistant to therapy, it is still beneficial for at least one member of the pair to seek help. Ideally, the therapist will promote emotional health, which should help the individual improve his or her personal emotional state. This should contribute to an emotionally viable environment in the home, which is elemental to good marital help.

Seems like those days are over, marriages last less and less everyday and people often find themselves asking how to save my marriage? One way to salvage a marriage is to work it out. Marriage counseling has even become a very lucrative business. Marriage counselors know how to save marriage and help married couples work through their problems and differences. Even though they may seem expensive, they are well worth it if they can help save your marriage. The value of personal services that can help restore stability and bring understanding into an otherwise doomed marriage is priceless.

- Rex Freiberger